Lucie

Natural childbirth has always been fascinating to me — there is something so beautiful about bringing forth life the same way millions of women around the world have throughout the ages. So when we became pregnant, I had already begun the mental and physical preparation that I imagined would eventually lead to a perfect, natural birth at a birth center. I had read all of Ina May’s books, watched The Business of Being Born, and had picked the brains of the other “natural mamas” that I knew. I was prepared!

Childbirth always goes exactly as we plan, right? For 39 weeks of my pregnancy, I was under the care of the midwives at a local birthing center. Our pregnancy was uncomplicated, and we were breezing past all of the milestones we needed to hit in order to deliver there. We had completed a natural childbirth course, were preparing with a doula, had meticulously written out our birth preferences in case of a hospital transfer, and had our bags packed and waiting by the door. But, as my mom regularly reminded me throughout those nine months, the first lesson of motherhood is that you can’t control everything related to your children, and our little one certainly had plans of her own.

At about 36 weeks, we realized that this baby was frank breech and wasn’t turning. Initially, I was disappointed, as a breech baby meant no birth center. So we tried everything — the chiropractor, an acupuncturist, and hours each day inverting myself while simultaneously attempting to bribe baby with music, flashlights, and frozen peas (really — Google it). I stayed hopeful until about 39 weeks, when I decided I needed to let go. As my midwife beautifully put it — it wasn’t my baby who needed to turn, it was me who needed to turn. Thankfully, we had a very wise doula who has complete belief in a woman’s body and in her natural ability to give birth. She suggested I research vaginal breech births — we needed to be informed consumers.

“…it wasn’t my baby who needed to turn, it was me who needed to turn.”

I remember coming home from work that afternoon almost in a daze — my “birth plan” was already changing, and I wasn’t even laboring yet! I spent my entire evening doing research, and we came to the conclusion that in the hands of a capable, trained professional, a vaginal breech birth is entirely safe and was definitely the route for us. Any medical causes for our breech baby were ruled out — our baby’s breech presentation was simply a variation of normal. Our research suggested that vaginal breech births are discouraged in mainstream obstetrics today — not because they are inherently riskier than cephalic presentation (head-down) births — but because birthing a breech baby is, sadly, a dying art that is not being passed down to the new generation of obstetricians.

Our research suggested that vaginal breech births are discouraged in mainstream obstetrics today — not because they are inherently riskier than cephalic presentation (head-down) births — but because birthing a breech baby is, sadly, a dying art that is not being passed down to the new generation of obstetricians.

My doula guided me to an incredible doctor who is known throughout our community for allowing (and supporting!) women to attempt natural vaginal breech births. I met with him on Monday, Nov. 26, when I was 39 weeks along, and I felt so safe, secure, and supported knowing he would be by my side that I had my baby under his care on Thursday, Nov. 29, one week early. The night I would begin active labor, I attended my prenatal yoga class and decided to resume my deep squats since I was now fully accepting of a breech birth and not worried about engaging something (an arm, a foot) too early. So squat away I did!

At about 3:30 the next morning I woke up with a “different-feeling” contraction — longer and stronger than the contractions I was having earlier in the week. I subsequently had four more of those contractions, each exactly 10 minutes apart. Remembering the 5-1-1 rule (contractions 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute each, for 1 hour), I called my doula and my doctor, then made myself some eggs, took a shower, and relaxed downstairs on the sofa.

The doctor called me back two hours later, and at that point the contractions were much longer, stronger, and less spaced out. He wanted us to come to his office so he could check me. I didn’t like this idea at first because I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, but he had listened to me have some contractions over the phone, and I really think the man just knew. So we loaded up the car, and my hubby nervously drove to the office. And trust me, contractions in the car aren’t fun.

When the doctor checked me, I was at 5.5 cm and fully effaced, so it was time to go to the hospital. We were stunned — it became very real that our little one was going to be there that day. We arrived at the hospital at 8:05 a.m. (after hitting rush hour traffic — again, more fun-in-the-car-while-in-labor), and I labored pretty hard for two hours. Unfortunately, I only made a little progress — I was 7 cm when he next checked. Our agreement had been that I needed to make lots of progress pretty quickly; otherwise, we would need to have a C-section. Since I had only made 1.5 cm of progress in two hours, the doctor quietly and gently leaned over me and told me to prepare myself in case we had to change plans.

At that point, my husband, doula, and the incredible nurse I was blessed to have got me out of bed and kicked my butt into gear. (My two cents: stay out of bed as long as you can — get on a birth ball, get in the shower, squat, dance with your partner, just keep moving!). As soon as I stood up, I had four contractions back-to-back, each 75 seconds long. I then did four full-standing squats holding onto the bed until my water broke, which was totally encouraging and gave me new hope. Then, my support group got me up on the bed for more squatting, and literally between 10:05 and 10:35, I dilated the rest of the way — from 7 cm to a full 10 cm!

“…stay out of bed as long as you can — get on a birth ball, get in the shower, squat, dance with your partner, just keep moving!”

My doctor came back in the room, leaned over me once more, and grinned, “you proved me wrong — it’s time to have this baby the old-fashioned way.” With just a few pushes, her bum was out, followed by her little legs, one arm, then the next. A few more big pushes and lots of maneuvering by the doctor, and, after not even 30 minutes of pushing, little Lucie Renn was placed on my chest at 11:06 a.m. Actually, she was placed on my stomach — her umbilical cord was so short that she couldn’t reach my chest. That was the reason she was breech and wasn’t able to turn, reinforcing our “breech is a variation of normal” belief.

The feeling of her warm little slippery body on my stomach was the best feeling I’ve ever had, and ever will have, in my entire life. She came out with her eyes wide open, craning her neck to look up at me — and our hearts melted. Even though my birth experience was very different from the one I had been planning, I would not change a single thing about it. This was the way that Lucie needed to come into this world, and once I embraced that, I was able to have the most beautiful, special birth — even better than what I had imagined.

Am I encouraging every woman with a breech baby to attempt a vaginal birth? Of course not. I am, however encouraging every woman and partner to become informed consumers — know the risks, know the benefits, and make an educated decision for your family.

A big part of that thankfulness was caused by a scare shortly before we were even married. I remember Ashley’s phone call after a doctor’s appointment. I could tell she was already in tears, and could barely get out the words “You don’t have to marry me… I may not be able to have kids.” After assuring her that fertility would have zero effect on our plans, she went on to tell me that her doctor thought that she had mild to serious Endometriosis, and the doctor recommended that if she wanted to have kids she should start working on that sooner rather than later. Long story short, Ashley ended up having very mild endometriosis and today we have two healthy children.

But while we were building WhatsInMyBelly and waiting on Baby #2, I couldn’t help but shake some negative thoughts in the back of my mind. “What if something happens?” … “What if my child is born with some disease?” … “What if my wife has a miscarriage?”

I wouldn’t say I was obsessed, and I never even mentioned any of these thoughts to my wife or anyone else. But, I think these are thoughts that pass through everyone’s mind when they’re expecting. I tend to be a very positive person, but the sad fact is, my worries were not unjustified. In fact, The National Center for Health Statistic’s (NCHS) National Survey of Family Growth estimates that there are more than 1 million fetal losses per year in the United States, with the majority of those occurring during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy (source documents here). That’s basically the long way of saying what we all know: complications and infant loss of various kinds during pregnancy is relatively common. If you want to know more facts, check out American Pregnancy Association’s Statistics page.

I know. This isn’t a fun topic to post on a blog for a pregnancy game. But, I personally feel like everyone is way too “hush-hush” about this topic. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe it’s because some people debate the level of tragedy. Some people experience a loss early on in pregnancy and don’t think much about it. Some are traumatized for life. Regardless of our emotional reaction, I doubt anyone ever forgets the experience.

For this reason, Daniel and I thought it would only be appropriate to use the tiny spotlight of this blog to acknowledge Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day – October 15. Ok, I know what you’re thinking. I’d never even heard of this day until just a week ago myself. But, on October 25, 1988, President Ronald Reagan designated the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

14 years later in 2002, The October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (PAILRD) Campaign began as a movement started by Robyn Bear, Lisa Brown, and Tammy Novak. Together, they petitioned the federal government, as well as the governors of each of the 50 states, and by October 15, 2002, 20 states had signed proclamations recognizing the date as such. Today, all 50 American states have yearly proclamations. Check out October15th.com for the Official website recognizing this Day.

On October 15, Robyn Bear, and the ladies behind Infant Loss Remembrance Day, invite the world to light a candle at 7PM in all time zones. Keep it burning for 1 hour and together there will be a continuous wave of light over the entire world.

We also ask that you post this to your social network on October 15:

“Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Let’s take some time to remember the babies who were born asleep, or whom we carried but never met, or those we have held but could not take home, or who made it home but didn’t stay. Make this your status if you or someone you know has suffered the loss of a baby. Break the silence. In memory of all lost angels ❤”

Even if you don’t light a candle, or update your status, I hope this day starts to open up the conversation about how common infant loss is, and hopefully these conversations can make those who experience it feel a little less alone.

I invite anyone who wants to share their story to leave it in the comments below.

So, how do we get that excited surprise for all our friends and family? Sure you could just get on the phone and start calling everyone or do the ever-popular post to Facebook, but we know you can do better. Here are the top 10 ways to reveal your child’s gender:

1. Cakes, Cupcakes & Cookies… yum!

© SugarDerby

Throwing a gender reveal party is a common way to get everyone together and tell them all at once, but once you have them there, don’t just stand on a table and tell them – take it a step further. Bake a cake and add blue or pink food coloring to the batter. Ice it with white icing or some other neutral color. Once you slice into the cake, everyone will know.

You could also do the same thing with cupcakes – and only change the color of one cupcake. The person who finds the pink or blue cupcake gets to make the announcement! You could also have a prize for the “winner”.

Like cookies? Try this cool chocolate chip cookie idea.

2. Gender Piñata

Similar to the cake idea, you could also buy a baby themed piñata for your gender reveal party and fill it completely with blue or pink goodies.

3. Balloons

Even without a large party, you could reveal the gender to a small group with balloons in various ways. Get black balloons (commonly used for the Over the Hill parties), fill them with helium and pink or blue confetti. Let kids or a special guest pop them for an explosive reveal. If you are having a large party, give everyone a balloon and pop them all after a big count-down.

If you’re not into such a loud scene take pink or blue balloons, fill them with helium and wrap up in a package for one special person to open.

4. Gender Reveal Scratch Off Tickets

If you’re comfortable making your own cards, you can buy scratch off paint online. Make cards that can be given out at a party or a card that can be mailed to family. When they scratch off the area painted over with the scratch-off paint, the gender is revealed!

5. Big Brother/Sister Announcement

So you already have at least one child? Get the Big-brother-to-be in on the excitement. You could take a photo of them in a shirt or holding up a card with the news. Send the photo out by email, put it in a real card to mail out, or simply post it to Facebook.

6. Take a Unique Photo

© Kimberly G Photography

Everyone loves photographs and this is a moment you’ll want to remember. Why not take a photo that announces the gender in a creative way? Like the photo above you could blow some boy or girl confetti into the camera. Or, grab your partner and hold up a sign together. Do you have the board game Scrabble? Hold the letters spelling “boy” or “girl” in your hand near your belly.

7. The Subtle Reveal

If you’re having friends or family over, stack some blocks spelling out “boy” or “girl” and put it in a place you know it will be seen… then wait for them to notice. Or, if you have a wall clock or something else round on the wall, turn it into a male or female symbol with some blue or pink construction paper.

8. Have a Gender Reveal Party

So we’ve listed quite a few different ideas with plenty of variations. Why not make it a big event and throw a Team Blue/Pink party? Have your friends and family come visit and wear pink or blue to show their guess.

Got other ideas that aren’t listed here? Leave it in the comments and we’ll add it to our list.